


If I die young

by pinkhimchanism



Series: where do we belong [1]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hongbin needs a hug, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-03-16 09:32:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13633557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkhimchanism/pseuds/pinkhimchanism
Summary: When Hongbin is attacked and turned into a vampire, he needs to learn how to cope with his new self in a society that is only slowly starting to accept vampires in their midst. Luckily, he meets people who help him along the way.





	If I die young

**Author's Note:**

> So here I am again, writing more angst. Because whatever else do I do (writing the occasional fluff I guess).  
> Title taken from the song "If I die young" by The Band Perry. I listened to that version and about three or four others of the song on repeat while writing this.

Hongbin had led a normal life until the day he was attacked. Generally, that probably was how it went. Everything was normal and average until something happened and you regretted not appreciating things the way they were before. 

Before, Hongbin was in his second semester at university, studying performing arts, doing theatre plays, that kind of thing. In his free time, he went to hang out with his friends, played too much Overwatch, and got his mother on his heels for either staying out too late or staying up too late. Maybe he should just move out, but it didn’t make a lot of sense when he was studying in the same city. It would just be a waste of money, so he endured his mother’s nagging. He knew she didn’t mean it in a bad way, she was just constantly worried about him. Maybe a little too worried because he was 23 after all. He could take care of himself. 

Before, Hongbin knew his family was his safe haven. They accepted and loved him, his mother, his father, his sisters, his grandparents. His sisters might tease him all day, every day, but he knew they would be there for him. He remembered when his oldest sister Hyunmi had reduced the mean boy who had bullied 7-year-old Hongbin to tears. Hongbin had not been bullied after that. 

That night, it was nearly four in the morning when Hongbin went back home after meeting up with his friends from university for drinks. He wasn’t scared, not really. There was an instinct that told him that being out that late at night wasn’t a great idea, but he had that every time he went home at that time. Probably just some ancient instinct. And really, it was only a few streets and then he’d be home. Nothing to worry about. 

Although he felt as if someone was following him today. But maybe that was just his imagination or the alcohol. Hongbin turned around a few times but nobody was there. He just shrugged his shoulders and walked ever so slightly faster. He wanted to get home and sleep. His bed seemed the most desirable place in the whole world right now. To be fair, it seemed like that pretty often to Hongbin. 

Suddenly, his head hit the wall behind him painfully. His heart skipped a beat when he looked up and saw a man with quite sharp canines looming over him, smirking. Before he could scream, a hand covered his mouth and Hongbin was left to struggle against the firm grip around his forearm in silence. His heart was beating fast and the little fuzzy bits the alcohol had left in his brain were gone. He was sober. 

“Now, it’s not quite as intelligent to walk the streets alone at this time of the day. Did nobody ever tell you?” 

Hongbin’s thoughts immediately went to his mother who had told him the exact thing. He got this sinking feeling he would not make it out of this alive. He was going to die, and his family would only find his corpse – if the man would even let them have that or maybe he would just – no, Hongbin had to stop. Tears were stinging in his eyes but he fought them down, he would not cry, not now. 

“So somebody did. Too bad you didn’t listen.” The man unceremoniously leaned down and bit his neck and Hongbin screamed into the hand over his mouth, tried to struggle. It burned and hurt, but after a moment, he felt strangely calm and he slowly relaxed again. 

That moment, the stranger pulled back and licked his lips. The strange fog in Hongbin’s mind slowly lifted looked up again. The place where the man – vampire – had bitten him was burning ever so slightly. “There you are again.” 

Hongbin felt dizzy already. He had no way of knowing how much blood he had lost but maybe he could go now? The vampire had taken what he had wanted. He had always thought vampires had mates they drank from exclusively. Was he his mate now? He didn’t know how these things worked and nobody had explained it to him in detail. Usually, he only saw vampires in passing. Few people would want to interact with them. Hongbin sometimes thought it was unfair but he was not invested enough in the topic to actively seek out a friendship with a vampire and fight for their rights. It was none of his business. 

The vampire leaned back down and bit into his neck again, a little bit further up and Hongbin screamed into the hand over his mouth again. He tried harder to push the other man away, but he was pretty much like a rock and could not be swayed. Hongbin scratched at the other’s arms desperately, tried to bite the hand over his mouth – but then the strange fog washed over him again and he let his hands sink. He was fine. He might not be able to stand properly anymore, his legs slowly giving out, but he was fine. Right? 

When the fog lifted again, the man was looking at him with his head cocked to the side. “You know what? You’re pretty. I’ll turn you.” The words hardly reached Hongbin’s brain anymore, he just stared at the other man. When he was bitten for the third time, he struggled weakly. There was pain and then there was no pain, then there was a metallic taste in his mouth and then there was darkness. 

 

 

He woke in what he later learned was one of the quarantine cells of the rehabilitation centre. He was alone; no humans were allowed in there, to make sure nobody would be hurt. His family was there the whole time, waiting for him to wake up. Hyunmi told him later that she basically had had to drag their parents back home to get some rest. 

Hongbin spent most of the time during the first few days either crying or staring at the ceiling emotionlessly. He could hardly sleep. He did not really need it, not anymore, but he liked how he didn’t have to think anything when he was asleep. He craved that small moment before waking up properly when he could tell himself that everything was fine, that nothing had happened. 

 

 

Hongbin cried even more the first time he had to drink blood. It disgusted him. He disgusted himself. What had he become? He knew this was his new nature now, but he hated it. He hated himself for what he had become. He wished he had just died. He wished he had not been turned. He had never wanted any of this. 

 

 

After the times the police had been with him, he usually just lay in bed, trying to calm himself down. He felt awfully lonely during those times. He wished his friends or family were here. But they couldn’t be there when the police interviewed him. 

He really did try to help the police, but he hadn’t really seen the face of his attacker clearly and the night was a little blurry. And maybe, he didn’t want to remember. He wished the situation would simply vanish into thin air. 

 

 

It was a few months until he was trusted enough around humans that he was allowed to go home with his family. His friends from university hadn’t really asked a lot about him. Once one of them had visited but Hongbin had been so prickly that day that he had never come back. Hongbin guessed that was his own fault.

Hongbin hated how he had to sit at the table with his family during meals. It was awkward, and they hardly joked like they used to. His mother seemed to have aged so much, his sisters were less cheerful, his father seemed serious all the time. Hongbin gripped the cup into which he had poured the blood a little more tightly. It was a lot like he had actually died and had not been turned. Sometimes he felt as if he was watching from the afterlife. Maybe he was, in a way. 

Nothing really had changed in the house or in the neighbourhood, but Hongbin had changed, so much, and everyone let him feel it. They didn’t say anything, not often, anyway, but they stared. They stared as if he was some miracle from hell. Some just looked away when he opened his mouth to greet them. His friends from university found excuses not to meet him and eventually, Hongbin gave up. 

Hongbin didn’t go back to the place where he had been attacked, even if it meant he had to go a longer way. He never wanted to go there ever again. His therapist told him avoiding the place gave it power over him. 

Hongbin didn’t care about that. It was bad enough he could see the face looming over him and feel the sharp pain in his neck when he closed his eyes sometimes. 

 

 

Hongbin was unsure what to expect when he met up with his mentor for the first time. He had maybe expected someone who looked a little more like Dracula. He hadn’t expected someone who looked a little like a cat, who dressed in a dark blue sweater, who had a sweet, soft and rather high voice. 

“I’m Jung Taekwoon, your new mentor. You’re Hongbin, right?” 

“Yes.” He was silent for a moment, but then the question was out before he could stop himself. “How old are you? Are you, like, hundreds of years old?” 

Taekwoon chuckled but didn’t seem to be offended. “I was born in 1764. So I am, in fact, a few hundred years old, yes.” Hongbin nodded, unsure what to say about that. He was momentarily overwhelmed by how much Taekwoon must have seen. Yeonhee would love that. 

“I heard you applied to live with your mentor. Is that still what you want?”, Taekwoon asked.  
Hongbin nodded quickly. “Yes. I still want that. I… It feels as if I’m dead and as if I’m somewhere I shouldn’t be.” 

“I live in Seoul. Is that too far away for you?” 

Hongbin shook his head. “No. It’s… It’s very welcome, actually.” 

“I live there with a witch and my mate, Hakyeon, an incubus, Jaehwan, and a… seer, Sanghyuk. Do you think you would get along with them?” 

“I’m pretty sure.” Hongbin would make it work. He wanted it to work. 

 

 

Dinner with his family and Taekwoon had been a little awkward. His family had insisted upon meeting him and really, Hongbin couldn’t blame them. Not that he could be killed easily anymore. After all, he already was dead. 

His sisters had warmed up after a while and Yeonhee had listened intently as Taekwoon had talked about the old Hanseong of his childhood. Yeonhee, only a year older than Hongbin, studied history at university. One day, she wanted to get a PhD. Listening to someone talk about a time so far away from his own experiences… Hongbin knew it was like a dream come true for her. She had told them how sometimes vampires would come to university and talk about old times, but now she had him for her own and could ask everything she wanted. 

“Come by some time, you can ask me more about what you want to know. Maybe Hakyeon too, Jaehwan and Sanghyuk as well.” He smiled at her and she nodded. Hongbin wondered if she would move with him to Seoul just for her history questions. He was unsure whether Taekwoon knew what he had started there. 

His parents were much more reserved towards Taekwoon. Hongbin knew they didn’t want him to leave, but he was slowly going insane here. He needed a new start and he needed someone who was like him. His parents couldn’t help him a lot with the whole… vampire stuff. They tried, looked up stuff, told him he just had to find new friends here but… Hongbin didn’t want to meet his former friends all the time. His former friends who avoided looking at him whenever he walked past them on campus. 

It was after Taekwoon had left that he argued with his parents. 

“Hongbin, please, do stay,” his mother asked him. 

“I can’t, mum. I don’t fit into this city anymore. That stopped the day I was murdered.”

“Don’t say that,” his father said through gritted teeth. 

“Why not, dad? I’m dead. That man murdered me, he played with his prey and – No, I can’t stay here.” 

His mother had started crying. She always did when he said he was, in fact dead. She did every time he mentioned what his killer had done, which was, admittedly, not that often. His father tended to get angry and he could understand all too well where both of them were coming from. But at the same time, it made him angry. It wasn’t his parents who had lost their lives. It wasn’t his parents who had gone through all of that, it wasn’t them, it was him alone, so why wouldn’t they let him decide what was best for him? 

“We just got you back, Hongbin!” His father was angry. And hurt. It was a weird mix to see on his father. 

“I know, dad, I know! But I can’t go on living in a city where things would be easier if I was dead!” 

He had raised his voice as he had said that, and his mother sobbed at his last sentence and he heard one of his sisters pull her door closed upstairs (probably she had been eavesdropping, he knew his sisters) and he felt his eyes sting. When nobody said anything, he turned around and went upstairs into his own room. Hyunmi peeked out of her room, her eyes watery, and she seemed to be about to say something, but then she didn’t and Hongbin walked past her into his own room. 

 

 

The day Hongbin moved out, everyone was quite subdued. He had fought over this with his parents for weeks now but in the end, Hongbin was an adult and could do whatever he wanted. Besides, the mentorship programme had been recommended to him by his therapist. 

Hyunmi and Yeonhee had been sceptic but had accepted that this was what he wanted fairly quickly. They both made him promise that they’d get to visit him. Hongbin wasn’t sure if he could promise someone visiting him in a place where he had never even been but then again, if he was to live with Taekwoon and his flat mates, he might as well invite his sisters over. It would be his new home for an indefinite amount of time after all. 

It was the presence of Taekwoon’s partner, Hakyeon, that finally seemed to calm his mother down a little. He had come along to pick up Hongbin and he was glad for it. Hakyeon had no problem immediately hugging Hongbin. At first, his family had been kind of hesitant with that. It probably was some kind of instinct for humans to not let a vampire too close to their neck, and now they hardly hesitated anymore, but it had still been a reminder for Hongbin that he wasn’t exactly the same anymore. To a degree, his family were scared of him, were scared of him snapping and turning on them. He was a predator now, even to them. 

But Hakyeon, Hakyeon just went in for a hug, not scared of Hongbin at all and Hongbin almost gripped his shirt and started crying right there and then. But he didn’t and pulled back instead. Hakyeon went to shake his parents’ hands and greeted them warmly. “I promise we will take care of your son. You’re always welcome to come visit us.” 

His mother nodded and whoever knew her well could see she was close to tears. 

 

 

“That’s a mansion. Taekwoon, that’s a vampire mansion. The only thing more cliché would have been a castle. Do we have coffins to sleep in?” Hongbin asked as they arrived at Taekwoon and Hakyeon’s place. 

“He does have a point, you know,” Hakyeon said as he looked at their home. Taekwoon merely rolled his eyes and started unloading the car. Hongbin and Hakyeon went to help him after a moment. 

The inside of the weird mansion that was now Hongbin’s home was much more comfortable than he had expected it to be. It was… cosy. The furniture didn’t seem to fit together all that well but that added a certain charm. It was lighter inside than Hongbin had expected. He had thought it would be a dark hole, quite like most vampire movies suggested. 

Also, there were dried herbs hanging from the ceiling everywhere. Almost every flat surface was covered potted plants. All of these were Hakyeon’s as Taekwoon informed him with a sigh, albeit a fond one. Hongbin guessed that Hakyeon had to make his potions out of something (though he had severely underestimated the number of plants that would expect him here even though Taekwoon had warned him when they had been texting to get to know each other better). 

 

 

“I can’t believe you will beat me at Overwatch,” were Sanghyuk’s first words to Hongbin. The latter looked at him with big eyes, surprised. Then he remembered how Taekwoon had told him Sanghyuk had visions of the future. He had assumed they would be about important things, not about him winning Overwatch against him. But maybe that was modern seers for you. Or… Moirai. That’s what Taekwoon had called Sanghyuk. He would have to ask what exactly that meant in detail. 

He was terribly ignorant when it came to supernatural beings, it seemed. He had heard fairy tales as a child, of course, and he knew they were around – but he had never bothered to actually learn about them. Most people only learned in detail as soon as they met someone who wasn’t exactly human. Maybe Hongbin shouldn’t be surprised anymore at how ignorant humans were. 

“I will?” Hongbin asked, a little unsure. 

“Yes, you will. I’m Han Sanghyuk by the way. I take it you’re Taekwoon’s vampire in training?” 

Taekwoon snorted and Hongbin nodded slowly. “Yes, I am. Hongbin. Vampire in training? Really?” He cracked a smile and there and then, their friendship was formed. 

 

 

Meeting Jaehwan was a little different. He was watching TV happily and calmly when he suddenly had a lapful of a lean man. “Hello there, pretty one. I like you already.” He gently stroked over Hongbin’s cheek. It felt as if he was blushing though he wasn’t sure if he could blush anymore with the whole vampire… thing. 

As suddenly as he had had a lapful of a flirtatious stranger, as suddenly he was gone again. “Jaehwan! Let him live.” It was Sanghyuk who had saved him. 

“I have a reputation to keep up. I am an incubus, young Hyukkie!” 

“Never noticed. Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” 

Hongbin guessed his eyes were about the size of the moon from all the confusion right now. 

“Hongbin, meet Lee Jaehwan. Don’t worry, he will eventually stop being this flirtatious. He sometimes… has a hard time understanding the concept of personal space.” Jaehwan pouted at that.  
Hongbin was still so confused. 

 

 

“What exactly… is Jaehwan, Taekwoon? I mean, I understand he’s an incubus but what does he do?”

“He’s a demon. Incubi live off passion. It’s easiest for them to get that during sexual encounters. To humans, they’re extremely attractive. Almost hypnotising if Jaehwan tries. There’s some charms you can use against that. Jaehwan can be dangerous, he can kill. He can’t kill who’s already dead or immortal, but humans are easy for him. He doesn’t do that when he can help it though.” 

“I see.” 

 

 

Hongbin had decided to start over in Seoul. He’d try performing arts again and maybe try to sing a little more as well and not only do theatre. He had always wanted to sing so why not try? 

That decision ultimately led him to meet Wonshik. He had to sit in a course about the history of performing arts that seemed obligatory for each first semester taking the course, judging from the general interest that radiated off everyone. 

Nobody sat down next to Hongbin. He was unsure if he seemed to be in a bad mood, if it was coincidence or if something about him made him so obviously a vampire that people would rather not sit next to him. Probably the latter. He could remember avoiding sitting next to vampires too, only about a year ago. Something about them made it obvious, maybe the white of their skin, he couldn’t tell for sure. 

In the last minute, a young man hurried into the room and looked for a free seat. He plumped down next to Hongbin, much to the latter’s surprise. 

The lecture started and as Hongbin had expected, it was boring. He started doodling into the corner of his notebook instead of taking actual notes. 

“Hey. I’m Wonshik by the way.” 

Hongbin looked up at the other man. He certainly hadn’t expected a voice that deep. “Hello Wonshik. I’m Hongbin.” 

“Good to meet you, Hongbin. Can I ask something?” 

Hongbin squinted his eyes at the stranger ever so slightly. What was he up to? “Yes?”

“Are you a vampire?” 

Well, that had been unexpected. Hongbin suddenly felt watched, as if everyone was waiting for him to say something, as if he was doing something forbidden. But he wasn’t. It’s okay to be a vampire. You didn’t choose this. That’s what his therapist had said. Hongbin had wondered if it would have not been okay if he had wanted this. 

He knew nobody was waiting for his answer, nobody except for Wonshik. 

“Yes, I am,” he said and maybe it sounded more bitter than he had intended. 

“Sore topic?” Hongbin turned his head to look at Wonshik incredulously. 

“My death is a sore topic, yes, thank you.” Wonshik blushed. Hongbin tried to pay attention again or at least pretend he did.

After that, Wonshik was quiet. Until the lecture ended, at least. 

“Hey, Hongbin?” 

“What?” His mother would be proud of his manners. 

“I’m sorry about earlier, that was insensitive. There’s this coffee shop just outside this building and if you want to, we can go there. Coffee’s on me. You can drink coffee, right?” 

Despite himself, Hongbin had to laugh. “I can drink, coffee, yes. Are you hitting on me?” 

Wonshik blushed again. “What? No. Oh my god, I’m just… I just want to make up for what I said earlier.” 

“It’s fine, I’m just messing with you. Let’s go.” 

 

 

Silence followed Taekwoon’s statement. He knew he needed a mate, partner, whatever you wanted to call it. It was one of the first things he had been taught. If you didn’t want to lose your mind and go rogue as a vampire, you needed one specific person you would drink blood from exclusively. Your human mate would gain immortality from it and protection from other vampires, but also become addicted to the vampire’s blood. The vampire could keep their sanity and had a constant supply of blood. 

Hongbin was dangerously close to the one-year-mark of being without a mate that was usually recommended not to take longer than. If you did, the government would look for a mate for you, for someone willing to do this. Hongbin at least wanted to be able to choose. 

“This feels like some weird kind of arranged marriage. Like, ‘find a woman you want to marry, or we will find you one, son’.” 

“I know, Hongbin. But do you want to become like the vampire who killed you?” Taekwoon asked quietly. They both knew it was either a mate or losing his mind. 

“You know I don’t.” 

“You still got half a year. It’ll be fine. If you need help, tell me.” 

 

 

It calmed Hongbin down to vent to Wonshik about all of his vampire problems. How he had to find a mate, how things had been easier as a human, so much easier. At first, Hongbin had been hesitant to tell Wonshik about all the vampire things. It still felt as if he was talking about something forbidden. But Wonshik had asked a lot. He was generally curious about the whole supernatural world. So Hongbin had started to open up to Wonshik ever so slowly. And now he was venting about his mate situation for the billionth time. 

 

 

Hyunmi and Jaehwan got along surprisingly well. At first Jaehwan had tried to flirt with her but Hyunmi had just snorted and told him she was interested in women only. Jaehwan had stared at her for a moment, then he had smirked and hours later, they were still talking about gods knew what. 

“This is quite scary,” Hongbin said, sipping on his mug of blood. 

“I have to agree,” Sanghyuk said as he watched them, together with Hongbin and Hakyeon. 

“I told your mother I’d take care of anyone visiting here. I can’t have Jaehwan corrupt her,” Hakyeon said.

“She would know that nobody can corrupt Hyunmi against her will,” Hongbin said and the others stared at Hongbin’s sister. 

“Not even Jaehwan? He’s a demon,” Hakyeon asked, not quite convinced yet. 

“Believe me. Not even Jaehwan,” Hongbin said and finished his mug. 

 

 

“You do realise that mates don’t have to be something sexual? And they do help you adjust. A lot. My first mate, Himchan… he helped me so much. And for a good ten years we didn’t do anything, no kisses, nothing. My mentor was slowly going crazy, he later told me that it was so painfully obvious to anyone but us.” Taekwoon laughed softly. 

Hongbin frowned. “Himchan? Who… What… happened to him?” 

Taekwoon’s smile slowly faded and turned sad. “He died. He was… executed. In 1884. Vampires had it difficult back then. We were thought of as traitors of the country, it was… complicated. Anyway, Himchan was executed for… consorting with… me. With the enemy, as a human. My mentor could save me from the execution, but he was too late for Himchan.” Taekwoon quickly wiped away a tear that had threatened to escape. Hongbin looked at his feet, unsure what to say about that. 

“I’m sorry,” he said simply. “I’m sorry about that.” 

“It’s not your fault. You weren’t even born yet.” 

 

 

It was surprisingly normal to share a flat with four other supernatural creatures (Hongbin still had a hard time accepting that he was, in fact, not human anymore). He went to university, he spent afternoons playing Overwatch with Sanghyuk, he went out to a noraebang with Wonshik, Jaehwan, Hakyeon, Sanghyuk and Taekwoon every now and then (even though Wonshik was still slightly scared of Taekwoon on occasion). They had movie nights, with whoever was available. 

It all seemed normal and Hongbin sometimes found himself forgetting he was dead and had to drink blood now. And then there were mindless American crime shows on tv. 

And Hongbin couldn’t look away from the girl who was screaming helplessly as she was dragged into a dark alley by a hooded figure. As her throat was slit. He was staring at the screen, eyes wide. He could feel how constricted his throat was, how his eyes burned. Suddenly it was him in the dark alley again, it was him who was crying, who had a hand pressed over his mouth, and it hurt, it hurt so much, he was starting to feel cold and–

“Hongbin! Hongbin, you’re not there anymore, it’s over!” 

It was Hakyeon’s face in front of him and Hongbin slowly realised he wasn’t in some dark alley anymore but in the living room of Taekwoon’s and Hakyeon’s house. Hongbin could feel his tears still running down his cheeks and he felt so scared, so horrible, like a child waking from a particularly nasty nightmare. When he opened his mouth to say something, nothing but a sob would come out and Hakyeon pulled him into a hug, holding him close and rubbing his back. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay, Hongbin, it’s over. You’re safe now. You’re safe.” Hongbin could only hold onto Hakyeon and accept the awkward pat on his back by Jaehwan. He hoped neither of the two would tell Taekwoon or Sanghyuk whenever they returned from wherever they had gone. And he hoped they wouldn’t tell Wonshik. He just wanted it to stay between the three of them. 

 

 

Living together with Sanghyuk was creepy sometimes. He kept staring at Hongbin with a smirk on his face. Sanghyuk’s ability to see the future really was upsetting sometimes. You never knew what he had seen or what he was smirking about. It could always just be a bluff with Sanghyuk.

 

 

“Hongbin… It wouldn’t be better if you had died. That’s… not true.” Wonshik sounded sad. He was giving him his certified Kim-Wonshik-puppy-dog-eyes. Hongbin wasn’t even sure whether he knew he was doing that. 

“It sometimes feels like that though. People hate vampires. My parents… they’re so different around me. They’re scared, both of losing me again and of me hurting them because I’m a predator now, at least to them.” 

“They love you though. It’s… I mean, it’s a lot to take in, in any case. I just… they will get used to it.”  
Hongbin didn’t say anything, just hid his face in his hands and tried not to lean too obviously into the warm and comforting hand on his back. 

“I wish it hadn’t happened to me, Wonshik. It’s so selfish to say this, but… I wish it hadn’t been me. I still get nightmares about that night. How he was looming over me…” Hongbin pressed his hand over his mouth. He felt sick just thinking about it. 

He had never told anyone what exactly had happened that night, not his family, not Taekwoon, not his therapist. Maybe they knew from the wounds he had been found with anyway. He hoped so much his family didn’t know. He could deal with the rest but not with his parents and sisters knowing. 

“He bit three times. Usually the poison would make me relax. But he pulled back again and again so it would hurt more. What if I become like that too?” 

Wonshik was crying, too, now and he pulled Hongbin into a tight hug. “I’m so sorry, Hongbin. You won’t become like that.” 

 

 

Both Hyunmi and Yeonhee had become better with Hongbin. It was almost like in old times. When they had been younger. Their parents were still extra careful with him. He couldn’t decide whether it felt more like they were afraid of him getting hurt or them getting hurt. By him. Either way, Hongbin hated it. 

“Hey, Binnie.” Hongbin looked up at Hyunmi, frowning. She knew he hated the nickname, which was exactly why she was using it. 

“What’s up?” Maybe ignoring her teasing would make it boring. He kept telling himself that since he had been fourteen. 

“So Jaehwan tells me there’s this guy named Wonshik. Who you’re close to.” Hongbin stared at his sister. 

“You’re talking to Jaehwan. Oh my god.”

“Yes. Now spill. Wonshik.” 

“He’s a friend.” 

“You need a mate, don’t you?” 

“Yes.” 

“Don’t pretend to be stupid, Binnie. You know where this is going.” 

“I’m considering asking him. I need somebody and I… don’t exactly have many human friends anymore and I want to choose my mate myself.” 

“I get that.” 

“I just don’t want… It feels like I have to marry someone, just because someone told me to, and I… I don’t know. It’s so much commitment.” 

They were silent for a moment, then Hyunmi spoke again. “But if you asked Wonshik, you’d be sure that you at least get along as friends. I’m not saying there has to be more, you don’t have to have a breath-taking romance with him. But you’d be sure that he’s a nice guy and that would decrease chances that you’d want to murder him after like twenty years.” 

She had a point. 

 

 

With each passing week, Hongbin was more aware of how time was ticking. He didn’t want the government to choose a mate for him. Generally speaking, things were slowly starting to become a little better for him. It wasn’t only Wonshik and the people he lived with anymore that he was friends with. There was also Yoongi, who did music production at university, and who didn’t really care whether you were human or vampire as long as you didn’t make him leave his home when he didn’t want to. There was Sungjae. There were Jimin, Taehyung and Jeongguk who probably came straight from hell. It helped Hongbin to have found all those people, but he wouldn’t ask any of them to be his mate. 

It was Wonshik who had been his first new friend he had made himself in this new city. It was Wonshik who had listened to him for hours about his problems adapting to his new life. Who had listened to him, who had comforted him, who had even cried for him because Wonshik was empathetic to a fault. 

Probably Hongbin had known all along who he would choose as a mate. Probably he had known he would want it to be Wonshik. When he realized it was Wonshik he’d like it to be, Hongbin just stared at the ceiling for the rest of the night, motionless. It scared him. Deciding for someone scared him, ate up all of his courage and then some. He’d spend the rest of his time with that person, he’d lose his mind without him. It would be a lot to ask of Wonshik. And Hongbin wasn’t sure how to do that. 

 

Hongbin was grateful for Wonshik’s support. He was grateful for the other man just telling him it was okay what he was. He was grateful for Wonshik dealing with some dicks at university who thought it was necessary to insult Hongbin for what he was. He was grateful for Wonshik distracting him with movies, for Wonshik holding his hand when the memories became too much. 

 

 

“Taekwoon?” Hongbin asked once he finally caught the man on his own. The older vampire was reading something but at Hongbin’s voice, he closed the book and looked up. 

“Yes?”

“I need to ask you something.” 

Taekwoon raised an eyebrow at the vague statement. “What would that be?”

“That mate thing. How would I ask someone to be my mate?” 

Taekwoon shrugged. “Just ask them. Explain what it entails.” 

“You make it sound easy. It’s like marriage but you die when you want to get a divorce.” 

Taekwoon sighed. “Whatever way it sounds, you need a mate.” 

“Who even came up with that word, ‘mate’? It sounds so weird.” 

“Just ask him.” Taekwoon opened his book again and went back to reading. 

 

 

It took Hongbin another two weeks, three more conversations with Taekwoon and two conversations with Hakyeon about it to bring the whole topic up to Wonshik. Or more like, he blurted it out in the middle of watching a movie with him. 

“Wonshik, I still need a mate and I wanted to ask if you wanted to be mine?” Hongbin pressed a hand over his mouth as soon as he realized what he had said and stared straight ahead at the tv screen that was frozen by now because Wonshik had stopped the movie. 

“You… what? You want me to be your mate?” Wonshik’s voice was funny and Hongbin didn’t dare to look over at him. 

“Yes, I wanted to know if you wanted to be my… mate. I’m slowly running out of time and I want it to be someone I know and trust when I’m dependent on them.” The room was silent and Hongbin still wouldn’t look at Wonshik. He hadn’t quite realized how anxious he was for Wonshik to say yes. He didn’t want to think all too much about what that might mean. 

“I’d be immortal, right? But addicted to your blood, just as much as you would be to mine?” 

Hongbin swallowed. “Yes.” 

Wonshik gently touched his hand and finally, finally Hongbin looked at him. Wonshik was smiling but there were also some emotions he couldn’t quite place in his eyes. 

“I… would like to think about it some time. But I’ll give you your answer soon, I promise.” 

They went back to watching the movie. At first, it was a little awkward, then things slowly eased between them again and it was almost as if Hongbin had never asked. 

 

 

When Wonshik texted him less the following days, when he couldn’t meet up because he had so much to do, as he claimed – Hongbin regretted ever bringing up the topic of mates. He was scared he had destroyed their entire friendship for asking something so selfish of Wonshik. 

Hongbin snapped at anyone who dared speak to him. He knew he shouldn’t, that they were his friends – but he couldn’t help it. He needed Wonshik’s answer. One way or another, he wanted to know. Because then he would be able to accept that answer and go on with life. He was almost certain it would be a no anyway. 

He was wrong. 

 

 

It was six days since Hongbin had asked Wonshik to be his mate when the human stood in front of the door. Hakyeon had let him in and sent him a smirk when they went up to Hongbin’s room to have some privacy. Hongbin ignored the smirk. It would only fuel Hakyeon’s curiosity if he did anything else. 

Hongbin had only just closed the door when Wonshik burst out with his answer. “Yes. Yes, I want to be your mate.” 

The relief washed over Hongbin and he tried to smother the thought that this had just sounded as if Wonshik had accepted a wedding proposal. Because no, just no. He had not and the whole situation was weird enough as it was. He was happy anyway though. 

 

 

Taekwoon thought the paperwork you needed to register someone as your mate was ridiculous. Hongbin had to agree. 

 

 

Hongbin was afraid of hurting Wonshik. Biting him… it would hurt. He knew it because he had been bitten himself and how that had ended… well. 

“Hakyeon?” He asked, glad he could catch the man alone. He was working on some potion in his work room as he called it. There were even more dried plants than in the rest of the house and the scent of all of them mixed together was almost overwhelming. Hakyeon looked up. “Can we talk?” 

Hakyeon put down the knife and nodded. “Of course. Come in.” Hongbin closed the door behind him and walked over the short distance, admitting some of the flasks on the shelves, all with liquids in various colors. 

“It’s just… about Wonshik. I don’t… When Taekwoon bites you, how much does it hurt?” Hongbin blushed, feeling as if he had asked something incredibly intimate and maybe he had. He had never seen Taekwoon feeding from Hakyeon in the months he had been living here. 

Hakyeon smiled. “It stings a little at first, but… Firstly, I got used to it over the years. Secondly, you soon feel a little… like you’re on drugs probably. It’s not… it’s actually pleasurable, you know?”

Oh. That changed things. Hongbin blushed at Hakyeon’s words though the older man didn’t seem to be phased at al. 

“That… I didn’t… know that.” 

“It’s fine. If you have questions you can just ask. Hey, would you mind giving me a few drops of your blood for this potion? It increases the effect.” 

“Uh, okay. What do I need to do?”

 

 

In the end, it was easy. In the end they were in Hongbin’s room, lying on the bed and talking about whether or not it was a great idea to call a dog “Butt”. Hongbin was sceptic, Wonshik was convinced it was hilarious. There was a moment of silence during which Wonshik thought of arguments countering “do you really want to call that name on the street if he ran away?” when Hongbin turned towards Wonshik. 

“Hey… I… Can I bite you? I’m kind of hungry and I’d either get a blood bag now or I… won’t.” 

Wonshik looked over at Hongbin and then sat up. “Yeah, okay.” 

Hongbin sat up, too, and it was surprisingly easy to lean over and bite Wonshik’s neck. Blood filled his mouth and Hongbin couldn’t suppress a moan, but he wasn’t the only one. Wonshik reached for Hongbin’s hand as he let out some quiet whimpers that didn’t sound unhappy at all. Wonshik’s blood was intoxicating and it really did remind him of that one time he had accidentally eaten some special brownie. Though Wonshik’s blood was much better than the stupid brownie that had made him throw up in the end. 

When he had had enough, he pulled back and bit his own wrist, holding it out for Wonshik to drink. It was a weird feeling and yet… the whole thing was nothing like when he had been turned. Hongbin should have known it wouldn’t be and yet, he had been afraid of this the whole time. That he’d hurt Wonshik, that it would make him panic, want to run away, cry. That he’d finally realize properly what Hongbin was and that he’d leave like his old friends from university had. That he’d treat him differently, like so many people did. 

But no. 

“You know, I don’t care whether it’s weird to call a dog Butt. It’s a great name and I don’t know what your problem is with it. I’m going to get a French Bulldog and call him Butt. Jaehwan thinks it’s a great idea.” 

“You’re honestly saying that because Jaehwan said something is a great idea that it actually is?” 

They were quiet again after that, each of them just staring into nothing and letting their thoughts wander. Hongbin was glad he could also just say nothing with Wonshik. It was… relaxing. There was no need to talk all the time. 

“Hongbin?” Wonshik broke the silence and there they were again, his puppy dog eyes. Dangerous territory. 

“Yeah? What’s up?” 

“I just… I feel kind of honoured you asked me to be your mate and all…” He rubbed the back of his neck and he blushed. It was endearing. 

Wait, where were his thoughts going? 

“Umm… Thanks for saying yes, I guess. I’m… I’m glad it’s you.” 

Hongbin had expected many things, but he certainly hadn’t thought Wonshik would reach over to cup his cheek and then press a kiss to his lips, so gently. Something in his stomach fluttered, swooped, as if he was on a rollercoaster. 

He froze, unsure what to do. His thoughts were running a mile a minute and it was all a chaos and he could see Wonshik biting his lip, looking troubled and he could hear him apologizing and how had Hongbin felt, had he enjoyed it, had he hated it and – 

And then Hongbin leaned over and did what felt right: he kissed Wonshik in return, pulling him closer. The older man relaxed against him and their kiss deepened. Wonshik flinched back, suddenly, a hand pressed over his mouth. 

“Shit, I forgot you had fangs. I have to get used to this. My tongue, oh my god, that… Ouch.”  
Hongbin couldn’t help but laugh. 

Maybe things weren’t perfect but Hongbin could start appreciating what he had again.

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, I hoped you liked that? I don't know, I wanted to try something new with vampires I guess so here we are.  
> I'd love to hear what you think!
> 
> Come scream at me on [ tumblr ](https://pinkhimchanism.tumblr.com/) or [ twitter ](https://twitter.com/pinkhimchanism/)


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